Who would have thought that hard work, exercise, eating better, and examining what makes me unhappy could help with my depression? Believe it or not for the first time in a long time I have self confidence, motivation, and just plain ol gosh dang happiness! I seriously can’t believe it’s working! I made a conscious effort to combat my depression and it’s working! I’m excited.
I THINK A GIRL LIKES ME WHAT DO I DO? SHOULD I TALK ABOUT BUTTS? I SHOULD TALK ABOUT BUTTS RIGHT?
My life has been open books and blank pages
Canvases primed white ready for exteriors
And every color bright to black at my side
Ready for words about all the forms of light
Freedom to create and freedom to destroy
As I will, as I was, and as I am, it’s always freedom
Interiors forced with shade upon shade of black
And twist pretty words into terrifying threats
I was given two hands and no rules
So they wander long past sunrise till I’m exhausted
And all that I have left for them is boasting
Thoughts curve in spirals endlessly
And I will bite the one who tries to stop them
But my physical path is disturbed
From the straight lines into sine waves into static
I beg only for control over myself
So I write love letters to the hands around my neck
And songs to all the ropes around my wrists
And poetry to every time it really hurt
And all my self portraits are painted over
With images of things that really matter.
Poetry! Cause I’m boring like that and all I do is write poetry. This one is an exploration of both my rejection of authority and my desire to be controlled, seemingly being at odds with one another. I like it honestly, I think I did good this time.
I’m really bad at taking compliments, which is a serious problem cause I’m so amazing!
hey is everything okay? sorry i haven’t been the most attentive friend lately :(
I felt like shit today since I woke up, physically and mentally. But tonight as it started to get worse like feelings usually do at night, I decided to think about how I felt. I realized that all the reasons I had to be sad were bullshit, they were my own damn fault cause I’m as free as I ever was and I was born pretty fucking free. I’m free to leave my prison whenever I want, I’m free to stop comparing myself to you whenever I want, I’m free to lose weight whenever I want, I’m free to learn to be happy whenever I want. So I’m gonna. I’m gonna learn to be the best human I can be, I’m gonna learn to be as happy as I can be, I’m gonna learn to be the best artist in the world, and I’m gonna learn how to not make run on sentences, cause I’ve always been bad about that, like I just wanna fit as much information into one sentence as possible even though it really should be separated.
The tragedy isn’t that no one cares about me, the tragedy isn’t that I’m trapped, the tragedy isn’t that I’m lonely. The truth is if I ignore my computer for a day at least four people try to talk to me on their own, the truth is if I tried I can end up anywhere doing anything I want, the truth is if I looked for them there are people who would fall in love with me. The tragedy is that I want people to forget about me so I can fail, the tragedy is I would rather call my world a prison than try to turn the key, the tragedy is I’m too confused and scared to actually look for human connections. I wrote my prison with page upon page of cynical poetry I write with every movement of my body. I’m done, I’m worth more than the stupid emo fanfiction I pretend is my life. I’m going to be happy.